The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he isn't actually in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of individuals around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere devices of gratification. They require his undivided attention only when they "malfunction" - when they turn out to be disobedient, impartial, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they can't be "fastened" (for example, when they are terminally sick or develop a modicum of non-public autonomy and independence).
Once he offers up on his erstwhile sources of provide, the narcissist proceeds to promptly and peremptorily devalue and discard them. This is usually finished by merely ignoring them - a facade of indifference that is named the "silent remedy" and is, at heart, hostile and aggressive. Indifference is, due to this fact, a form of devaluation. People discover the narcissist "chilly", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like".
Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It isn't that I don't care about others" - he shrugs off his critics - "I'm simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under stress ... They mistake my equanimity for apathy."
The narcissist tries to persuade individuals that he's compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his partner's life, vocation, pursuits, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can want for!" - he protests - "I do not spy on her, comply with her, or nag her with endless questions. I do not trouble her. I let her lead her life the way she sees match and do not intervene in her affairs!". He makes a advantage out of his emotional truancy.
All very commendable however when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of real love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, typically, bodily) absence from all his relationships is a type of aggression and a protection in opposition to his own completely repressed emotions.
In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that without his input - even in the form of feigned emotions - people will abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures supposed to exhibit the "bigger than life" nature of his sentiments. This weird pendulum only proves the narcissist's inadequacy at sustaining adult relationships. It convinces nobody and repels many.
The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad response to his unlucky adolescence. Pathological narcissism is regarded as the result of a protracted period of severe abuse by major caregivers, peers, or authority figures. In this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a response to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that received ossified and fixated and mutated into a character disorder.
All narcissists are traumatized and all of them endure from quite a lot of submit-traumatic signs: abandonment anxiety,
reckless behaviors, anxiety and temper problems, somatoform issues, and so forth. But the presenting indicators of narcissism not often point out submit-trauma. It's because pathological narcissism is an environment friendly coping (protection) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, briefly: indifference.
This entrance is penetrated solely in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's skill to obtain narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls apart" in a strategy of disintegration often called decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and pretend - his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears - are starkly exposed as his defenses crumble and grow to be dysfunctional. The narcissist's excessive dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-value are painfully and pitifully evident as he's red